Have you ever had absolutely no money? I don’t mean your credit card is too full to use or there’s money in a cd somewhere. I mean you have nothing. It’s the kind of nothing were you go looking through all your handbags and totes and check the ashtray in the car.
I’ve been living this way for about 8 years now and it has grown extremely tiresome. To put it mildly. God, I’m so sick of being poor.
I used to have horrible anxiety attacks. They are like migraines, headache, dizziness, my vision telescoping down and colored dots. I think I basically stopped breathing.
In 2005, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I’m convinced the anxiety – always over money – brought it on. They cause adrenelin to course through you and all systems go haywire. Sometimes it would take three days to get over them.
Right before the CA showed up, I lost 30 pounds through Weight Watchers and began working on my views towards money. After all, it is just a tool and not worth getting sick over. I also discovered that the calmer I could be and the more I could believe I would handle the problem however, the problem would get solved.
Checks I didn’t expect would show up . For instance, a $1500 from a niece who had borrowed it a dozen years before or an early birthday present or a check from a friend who knew I was struggling. Sometimes Uncle Sam would come through, the direct deposit of my tax refund saving the day.
I also knew there were things I could do. I could borrow from friends. I could beg from relatives. I could sell stuff: dolls and knick knacks on ebay and gold at the pawn shop. Or I could pawn stuff.
Right now I have four different items waiting to be redeamed.
I could also go to one of those
